


we watch as our young hearts fade (into the flood)

by amaltheaz



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Gen, Lena-centric, Lena/Jack but he's only mentioned and doesn't pop up anywhere, Set before Lena moves to National City, canon-divergent I guess???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 20:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16541570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaltheaz/pseuds/amaltheaz
Summary: "Her hopes of being left to her own devices is dashed when a bubbly blonde replaces her view of a very fascinating… nothing. She was staring at absolutely nothing.“First time here?” the blonde asks.Taking a deep breath, Lena attempts a cordial smile. This isn't anybody’s fault and it is her choice to be here, after all. She can't take out her frustrations on innocent people, no matter how good it felt. She nods. “Oh, yes. Complete virgin here,” she chuckles.The blonde thankfully laughs quietly along with her. “Okay well, we’ll be starting in fifteen minutes so please take a seat with everybody else.”"





	we watch as our young hearts fade (into the flood)

**Author's Note:**

> So after watching the episode with the LCorp lockdown, my wife prompted me to write this fic. I decided to do it because one, I don't know how to say no to her and two, it was her birthday yesterday so I felt this could be a nice birthday present. 
> 
> The prompt was just "Lena goes to self-defense class" and so I ran with it and came out with this. She has already read it and gave it her seal of approval so now I can share it with you guys :). 
> 
> I hope y'all will enjoy <333

Lena tries to muster any remaining inch of confidence left in her as she walks through the door. She takes a glance around the room and takes note of all the people congregating inside it and finding little comfort in the uncertainty on their faces that mirror her own. They’re all introducing themselves to each other but Lena has no inclination whatsoever to do the same, walking instead to the furthest corner to place her bag on a chair, with the full intent of brooding and  _ not _ pouting.

Her hopes of being left to her own devices is dashed when a bubbly blonde replaces her view of a very fascinating… nothing. She was staring at absolutely nothing. 

“First time here?” the blonde asks. 

Taking a deep breath, Lena attempts a cordial smile. This isn't anybody’s fault and it is her choice to be here, after all. She can't take out her frustrations on innocent people, no matter how good it felt. She nods. “Oh, yes. Complete virgin here,” she chuckles. 

The blonde thankfully laughs quietly along with her. “Okay well, we’ll be starting in fifteen minutes so please take a seat with everybody else.” 

They walk away then and Lena watches as they go to join two others standing at the front of the room. Deciding that it's probably best to get it over with, Lena walks over and takes a seat on the mat, a tight smile on her lips when her eyes accidentally meet the gaze of the person sitting next to her before swiftly bringing her attention back to the three people standing in front.

“Is that everyone?” the blonde from earlier asks, looking around the quiet room before finally nodding. “Alright then, good evening, everybody, we are your instructors for tonight's self-defense class.” 

\---

It shouldn't come as much of a surprise to anybody that knows her but it bears repeating: Lena hates group activities. 

Whether it came to her work in the lab, she just likes doing things on her own. Sure, a large part of it stems from years of having to learn that she can only rely on herself and nobody else, no matter how hard they try to be there for her. But another part of it is that, she just isn't patient enough to wait for others to make their own progress when she knows she can be so much further ahead already. She recognizes the arrogance in her way of thinking, is self-aware enough to know that this isn't how others operate. But it's just not how  _ she _ operates. 

And this is exactly why her current situation leaves her feeling more than a little vexed. 

What happened is this: the personal trainer that she hired to instruct her in various manners of self-defense,  _ completely _ pulled out of their arrangement once they realized exactly who hired them. They even went as far as to  _ refund _ her full deposit. Lena feels perhaps that despite letting her know of this particular news via text,  _ that _ was the most insulting part of it all. But no matter. She is Lena Luthor, after all. She can afford to hire fifteen trainers if she is so inclined, which she isn't but still, it's the thought that matters. 

But back to how she got to her current predicament. 

Despite the fact that she has known how to responsibly use a gun since she was sixteen, carries a taser in her purse, she is still woefully unprepared in even the basics of self-defense. Yes, she probably should have thought about this when she was appointed interim CEO when Lex was taken into custody but there had been no time to do so. Not when everybody has been wanting a piece of her, wanting to know what she’s planning to do with LuthorCorp. Everybody from her mother, the board, the investors and even the people of Metropolis, still so rightfully angry because of her brother's actions. Which is probably why it didn't surprise her when there was an attempt on her life a few weeks ago, not too long before the announcement of her taking over was made. It only surprised her that it had taken so long. 

So long that she had gotten too comfortable, too complacent. Just because she had a bodyguard didn't mean that she was completely safe and she should have known that. She should have remembered that the only person she could trust was herself. Bodyguards are still people that can be paid off to look away or take the job themselves, even the ones with the best credentials. That was a bitter lesson for Lena to learn. 

This past year has been a crazy non-stop whirlwind and she hasn't been able to just press pause for a little while to check in with herself. So much of herself has been taken over by figuring out how to appease the board, the investors, her new employees, her mother and even Jack. Her beautiful, darling Jack who’s doing more than his best to be the supportive boyfriend and she has barely given him more than five minutes of her time in the past few months. It’s so much  _ less _ than what he deserves and Lena absolutely hates that she’s doing that to him. But she’s so close to burning out, she can tell, and she just needs something -  _ something _ \- for herself. 

Even if it means taking an actual god-awful self-defense  _ class _ . 

She supposes that really, she  _ could _ have also just opted to lock herself in her lab and worked on the numerous projects that she had to put aside in favor of working in LuthorCorp. But she needed to get out of the building, needed to see more than the same walls and the same faces. There are no solutions that she can find in that office or in that building. And she can't be at home either. There’s only so long that she can go on ignoring the growing concern on Jack’s face that it has become so  _ difficult _ to look at his face. Where she used to find comfort and safety, there are moments when she’d feel like she’s teetering on the edge of uncertainty. He wants so badly to be there for her, to hold her hand while she goes through this change but that’s never been who Lena is. And though Jack does understand that, it’s only a matter of time before his patience eventually runs out and he does try something like an intervention and Lena finds that she wants no part of it. She isn't ready to talk about any of that bullshit with her mother, her brother and all the things she's trying to do to keep herself afloat. She already pays an exorbitant amount for a therapist to do that for her and she doesn't need anymore. 

But this is an issue for another time. Right now, her biggest concern is getting through this class relatively unscathed. 

\---

The first half hour goes faster than Lena expects. It starts with an introduction of the three teaching the class though the blonde, Simone, is the one in charge of setting up these classes while the other two, Kamil and Andrew were brought in to assist her. They explain why they started teaching self-defense and for how long. Most, if not all, of the information they shared were all things that Lena already knew from her extensive background check before deciding to take the class in the first place. Simone talks about why self-defense is important and when it is best to use them, that it's a much smarter tactic to run than to engage with an attacker. Lena found  _ that _ a little contrary and maybe even a little cowardly but she shrugs it off for the time being. 

“Lena, right? Will you come in front and help us teach this next move?”

Not wanting to call more attention to herself, Lena slowly gets up from the floor and goes over to stand next to Andrew. She tries not to react to the quiet murmurs filling the previous silence of the room, does her best to ignore all the eyes on her. Nobody here knows her and so they don't matter. 

“Okay, right now we’re going to teach you what to do when you’re being attacked from behind. May I?” he asks, gentle and comforting in a way that tells Lena how many times he has already done this. She swallows thickly before slowly nodding. “I’m going to put my arms around you first. There won't be any pressure,” he quickly reassures her before she can protest. “I just want to show you and everybody else the hold first, alright? And then we’ll go from there.” He waits patiently for Lena to nod first before going to stand behind her. A second passes and then his arms are around her. His hold is loose around her neck and Lena hopes that he doesn't notice her sigh of relief. 

She’s just barely listening to him explain how a situation like this could occurs, just barely listening when he quietly lets her know that he’s going to add just a little pressure. And even though she knows that this is an exercise, knows that this isn't real and that she can get out of it at anytime by saying so, his arms are strong and steady around her as they tighten. “What we want you all to remember is that your attacker  _ wants _ control over you. That's all they want to do, to exert their power and that's why they try to trap you in holds like these, why they don't let you see their faces. It scares you and that's  _ exactly _ what they want. They  _ want _ you to panic but that is the  _ last _ thing you should do.” 

His hot breath sweeps over her neck and Lena is immediately brought back to those weeks ago when she was in this exact position. It happened so fast and she had been so completely in shock that she didn't even try to fight back. Shame curls hot in her belly at her inaction, her cowardice. If it hadn't been for Jess calling for security, she wouldn't even be here right now. “Okay Lena, I know your body’s instinct is to try to run and that is  _ technically _ the right thing to do but you can't run straight out. You risk getting locked into an even tighter hold and if you keep fighting that, you could end up passing out, which is what we don't want to happen.” 

She wants to laugh, wants to tell him that actually, she  _ knows _ this already. That she knows  _ exactly _ what it feels like to feel like there isn't enough air for her to breathe, what it feels like to feel darkness looming fast over her. And she’s so lost in her thoughts, in her memories of that day that it takes her by surprise when he lets her go. She turns around and realizes that he’s using the same hold on Simone and showing them exactly what they need to do. She watches in awe as the smaller woman quickly untangles herself from the hold and somehow manages to throw Andrew back down to the mat. The sound of his fall reverberates around the room. 

“Oh I’m not strong enough to do that,” she blurts out, blushing immediately when everybody’s attention is back on her. 

All three instructors give her the same smile, as if they've heard this so many times before but she appreciates that they don't say anything. Andrew only steps forward then, an encouraging smile on his face. “Let’s try anyway?”

Lena isn't known to be athletic in any way. Yoga might be the most that she can claim and even then, she can't exactly remember when was the last time she had a session. So the very concept of her dropping a man twice her size down to the floor is laughable. But she decides to play along, knowing that there's no way they’re right about this. 

“Okay, I’ve got my arms around you. Place your hands over my wrists and pull them down. Bend your knees to a squat and quickly -  _ very _ quickly - move behind me. Now, grab behind my knees, then lift and  _ drop _ me.”

Her hands are right behind Andrew’s knees when she finally registers the last of his instructions and she turns to catch his eye. “What? I don't-” 

He gives her the same encouraging smile as before. “Just try it. What have you got to lose?” 

She takes a deep breath and when she nods, they go back to their first position, with his arms around her. Lena can't help but notice that his hold is tighter this time. But she goes through the motions as Andrew told her to do, not giving time to any kind of thought, any memory of that day. It isn't until she hears a loud smacking sound that she comes back to herself, gasps and stares gobsmacked at Andrew laying on the floor. She looks down at her hands, curling her fingers in and she can actually feel the slight ache in them now. She can't believe it. She  _ actually _ lifted him and dropped him to the mat. She did that with her own two hands and whatever little strength she actually possesses. When Andrew holds a hand out, she quickly grabs it and attempts to pull him up but stumbles a little at the effort it takes to do so. Very little strength indeed. But he’s got a wide smile on her face this time and she thinks that maybe it looks… proud? 

He gestures for her to take a seat back with everybody else and she goes dutifully, still in a little bit of a confused daze at how she managed to do what she did. Kamil takes the floor this time, standing in between his fellow instructors. 

“We hope that what you can take away from this class is that self-defense is never really about how strong you are, as we have shown here. It's more about-  _ protecting _ yourself. You don't need strength to take back that power and control and defend yourself. You only need to move fast because there can be no room for doubt and you need to be  _ smart _ . Running away from a bad situation doesn't make you a coward and really, that doesn't matter. It just means you get to live another day, knowing that you  _ survived _ .”

Silence fills the room as they all take in his words before Simone breaks it with a clap of her hands. “Alright everybody, grab your partners from before and let's all practice that move.”

\---

Jack isn't there when she gets back home and she vaguely remembers him telling her that he’s going to be out with his friends. She throws herself onto her living room couch and groans at the impact, reveling in the comfort of the cushions underneath her aching body. A shower could probably help with that but moving requires the kind of energy that is quickly leaving her the longer she stays laying on the couch. 

She  _ still _ hates group activities and she highly doubts that she and Susan will be getting coffee together anytime soon but she can't deny that tonight’s class went better than how she expected. And she had some  _ truly _ low expectations. Kamil’s words on the other hand, are still running around in her mind. The wisdom in his speech seems to resonate deep within her and Lena can't help but try to relate it to her own situation with LuthorCorp and her current tumultuous standing in the city. But it still doesn't help her figure out what step she needs to take with the company. She sighs as she reaches for the TV remote, needing a little background noise for the time being. 

_ “Who is she?” _

Looking up at the CatCo news broadcast, Lena sits up and watches in rapt attention as numerous pictures of the same woman soaked from head to toe as she stood proudly on top of the airplane wing fills her screen. It is then followed by low-resolution videos of her pushing off to fly away. And as the newsreaders talk excitedly amongst themselves about National City possibly having their own superhero, Lena feels that prickling along her skin, the itch in her hands, the buzzing in her brain- all signs indicating that an idea is starting to form. 

A really big and _terrifyingly_ life-changing idea. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up on tumblr @amaltheaz/maybewritingthings


End file.
